Graceful Changes
by Sarae64
Summary: A visit from Grace prompts some changes. Sam/Jack, Romance/Angst, Complete
1. Chapter 1

Title: Graceful Changes  
Author: Sarae  
Status: Complete  
Category: Romance  
Pairings: Sam/Jack  
Spoilers: Grace, Inauguration, Lost City (1 & 2), also speculation based on spoilers for season 8.  
Season: After Season 7  
Rating: K+  
Summary: A visit from Grace prompts some changes.  
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, SciFi Channel, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.  
Author Note: Special thanks to Rosemary, Audrey and Lisa. You know why. You are all awesome! :-)

Graceful Changes  
© 2004 Sarae

Chapter 1

Pain. Darkness. Silence.

Sam's senses registered each in that order as she drifted back into consciousness. Slowly, she opened her eyes. There was still darkness…she was disoriented. "Where am I?" she thought as she fought to suppress the panic she felt rising in her.

She began wiggling her toes, then her fingers as her mind registered that she was lying in a supine position. All ten digits seemed to be working. She swallowed but her mouth was dry and her throat sore. The swallow triggered a cough, which caused an agonizing pain in her head. Her right hand instinctively moved to the origin of the pain and as she realized her arm was working properly, she became alarmed at the sensation she experienced near the back of her head.

Slimy, viscous liquid was making her hair stiff and soaking the fibers of the padded surface on which she was lying. "Blood?" she wondered as she probed gently near the source of her pain. "Ah, crap!" she gasped as her fingers found an open wound and the pain was joined by a burning. "Swell!" she thought as her eyes began to adjust to what little light there was.

The searing pain in her head was exacerbated by moving her head or her eyes, but she had to see where she was. She needed to know. No amount of trying would make her eyes focus, though she was able to make out the rectangular form of a fluorescent light on the ceiling above her. She closed her lids and then moved her eyes to the right, but that intensified the pain so she stopped trying to use her eyes.

Then she noticed that her chest was aching too. She moved her left hand and gingerly explored her abdomen and chest. Her brain registered that she was clothed and she could find no wounds in that area. That thought comforted her, slightly.

Lying still for a moment or two, she tried to gather her strength. She knew she needed to move, needed to call for help. Then she heard a voice…'his' voice.

"Carter? Are you there?" There was a pause. "Hey, pick up, will ya?"

"Jack…" It was a whisper. It was all she could manage, as her eyelids grew heavier and she fought to keep her eyes open.

* * *

"_Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are." The little girl's voice echoed in her mind. _

"_It's Grace, isn't it?" Sam asked as she tried to look in the direction from which the singing child's voice came._

"_Yes," she replied. "After my grandmother," she added and then she giggled. "Do you wanna play?" Grace asked._

"_You always ask me that," Sam said, closing her eyes and slowly, painfully, turning onto her side. With some effort, she opened her eyes to look at the curly-haired apparition._

"_You should play more," Grace replied and smiled._

Sam sighed and closed her eyes again. Images of Cassie and Jack throwing a football in his back yard sprang into her head. "When was that?" she thought. It was one of Cassie's birthdays, but the details escaped her. She remembered a game of touch football that followed. Jack, Sam and Cassie against Daniel, Janet and Teal'c. It had been a fun afternoon. It was the last time Sam remembered playing.

"_You're right," Sam said as she opened her eyes, expecting to see Grace standing where she had been. However, Grace was no longer there. Sam tried to look around, but found it too difficult. Her eyes just refused to stay open._

"_Samantha," Teal'c said as he gently touched her shoulder. "You should not go to sleep right now. You need to move."_

"_You're not really here, are you, Teal'c?" Sam said and smiled. "You're in my head again, aren't you?"_

"_Indeed."_

"_You're always watching out for me," she said as she tried to sit up again._

"_Yet you have injured yourself again," Teal'c replied. "You must try to call for help. He will come if he knows you need him."_

"_Who?" Sam asked, though she knew whom he meant._

"_Come on, Sam," Daniel chimed in._

"_Daniel?" Sam asked, opening her eyes just a bit._

"_You know, if you keep denying this, it's just going to get worse," he responded._

"_Denying what?" Sam asked as she closed her eyes again and moaned._

"_Do you think we're blind?" he asked. "Do you think we didn't notice your reaction when he came back? You're conflicted. You've been distracted, as you try to work through the conflict. The Atlantis team and your friend's death just added to the problem."_

"_Addi?" Sam whispered, memories beginning to tickle her mind._

"_Yes," Daniel continued. "That must be what happened here. You were distracted. Why else would you stand on a rolling swivel chair to reach a box?"_

"_A box?" she thought as she struggled to remember._

"Carter?"

"Jack?" she whispered, no longer able to open her eyes. She was cold, so very cold. She could hear his voice, but it sounded so far away.

* * *

Jack hesitantly poked his head inside the open doorway. Just as it appeared from the outside, there were no lights on in the house. Daniel was impatient behind him; Teal'c, his usual stoic, wait-and-see self, was behind Daniel. Jack was beginning to wish he hadn't brought them along, but he felt it was smarter than coming to check on Sam himself.

Ordinarily, not being able to reach Sam on the phone would not cause him to bring the team over to check on her, but he'd had a bad feeling about her all day. She had not been pleased when he insisted SG-1 take some down time. He still felt it was in their best interest and the right thing to do. The loss of the Atlantis team had been hard on all of them, but particularly hard on Sam. She had worked closely with both Dr. Weir and Dr. McKay as they prepared for their mission. When they did not return, it cast a pall on the entire base, but she had been distracted, unable to focus, very un-Sam-like.

This was the first time he'd used the spare key she had given him all those years ago. He had keys for Daniel's place too, just as they had keys for his. Until now, he'd never needed to use Sam's key.

"Carter?" he called, holding Daniel back. Running his hand along the wall to the left of the entrance, he searched for the light switch he knew was there. Finally, he found it, switched on the hall light and motioned for Daniel and Teal'c to veer to the left and reconnoiter the bedroom wing. All he needed was to find her in that part of the house. He had a hard enough time keeping his mind where it belonged in regards to her as it was.

Walking slowly forward, he peered into the kitchen/living room area. Then he peeked to his left into the den and his heart leapt up into his throat.

"Shit!"

Daniel and Teal'c were beside him in seconds as he knelt next to her unconscious form. The door to the closet was open. Her computer chair was nearby as was a box full of photos and mementos, turned on its side. Just behind Sam's head was a wooden side table. Jack knew instantly that the chair she'd been standing on had rolled out from under her and she'd hit her head on the table.

"Carter?" He touched her cheek and found it frighteningly chilly. A large blood stain was seeping out from under her head. "Get an ambulance," he snapped to whoever wanted to respond.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

She couldn't sleep for days after they left Jack frozen in the portal. Every time she closed her eyes, his frozen visage haunted her. She would wake up in a cold sweat, panting and feeling her heart racing. Leaving him behind had not been an option as far as she was concerned. But Teal'c and Daniel had convinced her to return to the SGC long enough to gather some more equipment and personnel.

When they'd returned to try and retrieve him, he was no longer where they'd left him. Sam found herself hoping that the Asgard had finally arrived to rescue him and that he would be returned to them quickly. Several months later, she was still hoping, but it was getting harder and harder to remain optimistic.

* * *

She'd gotten up and taken a shower that morning and the emotions that she'd been running from finally caught up to her. The loss of Janet, the loss of Jack and the news that a dear friend and former colleague, Dr. Adriana Capwell, had died from brain cancer sent her into a crying jag unlike any she'd experienced in recent memory. The combination of the warm water and body wracking sobs left her feeling spent when she finally turned the shower off and exited. By that time, nearly an hour had gone by and she had very little time to dress and drive to the mountain.

Just as she walked out of the locker room, the alarm klaxon started blaring. Thankful she'd at least been able to change into her uniform, she immediately reversed her direction and made her way to the control room. As hard as she had tried to keep her feelings from work and remain completely professional, particularly in her dealings with Dr. Weir, her mental state was deteriorating and she knew it.

For some reason, these klaxons (a sound she hadn't heard much in the past few months) had stirred what little hope remained in her heart. This just had to be good news. She needed some good news.

When she arrived, Daniel and Teal'c were already there and Sgt. Davis was frantically trying to close the iris with no success. Ignoring the questioning look she got from Daniel, she walked to the chair at the station next to Davis. Rather than take a seat, she gripped the back of the chair, hard.

She heard Dr. Weir asking why the iris wasn't closing. She heard Davis say he was trying and then stating that the base was losing power. She saw the lights dim and stared at the 'gate, watching as airmen took defensive positions, weapons raised. Hope, unbidden, began filling her soul. They'd seen this happen before…

"You okay, Sam?" Daniel asked. Sam ignored him, and reminded herself to breathe. Then 'he' walked through, hands raised in a gesture of surrender. And she froze.

"It's Jack!" she heard Daniel shout. She was still standing in a daze when Daniel and Teal'c, followed by Dr. Weir, walked into the 'gate room to greet him.

"He's alive; he's back. He's alive…" she thought.

"Colonel?" Davis asked.

"What?" Sam asked, without taking her eyes off the scene before her. Airmen were standing down and moving out, smiles were gracing faces. Dr. Weir joined the others in greeting the returning hero.

Sam watched as he scanned the room. As he continued to make pleasantries with his welcoming committee, he looked toward the control room and his eyes finally found hers. Relief and joy flickered across his face to be quickly replaced by his standard half-smile as he looked away from her and back to those in the 'gate room.

"Are you okay?" Davis asked.

"What?" Sam asked again while giving Walter a rather confused look. "Oh, yeah," she said, feeling her cheeks heat up. "I was just…"

"Surprised?" he asked.

"Yes," Sam said with a smile as she began walking quickly to join the welcoming committee.

All four heads turned as she walked into the 'gate room.

"Hey, Carter," Jack said with a smile as she approached the group.

"Sir, it's good to see you," Sam said, smiling and tightly gripping her hands behind her back. The urge to embrace him was overwhelming.

"That's Lt. Colonel Carter now," Daniel said, giving a little nod in Sam's direction.

"Is that right?" Jack asked with a prideful smile.

Weir interjected, "Why don't we get you to the infirmary for a checkup and then we can meet and catch you up on all you've missed."

The smile faded from Jack's face. "Smith still here?" Jack asked.

"Yes, sir," Sam answered, trying hard to suppress a chuckle.

"Sweet!" Jack said with a smile and then he started out the door toward the infirmary.

* * *

Sam volunteered to drive Jack to his house. She'd been maintaining it in his absence. After several silent looks and smiles at each other, Jack finally broke the silence by saying "So…did ya miss me?" He shifted to find a more comfortable position on the front seat.

A half-laugh, half-sob escaped her as she heard his attempt to lighten the mood of the moment. Unable to come up with a witty reply, she said, "Of course, sir," and tried to focus on the road.

Plans, scenarios, possibilities raced through her mind as the drive continued. Several glances at him to see if she could glean what he was thinking revealed mostly contented smiles. This caused her more puzzlement and a bit of trepidation.

"So, you want a cup of coffee, or a beer?" he asked as she put the car in park. "Uh, I do have some coffee, don't I?" She'd told him she'd looked after his place while he was missing.

"Yes, sir," Sam answered with a smile. "But I don't think there's any beer."

"Bummer," Jack said with mock disappointment. "So, you comin' in?"

"Sir…"

"Just for a few minutes, Carter," Jack said. "I just want to talk for a few minutes."

"All right," she said, with a nod and a smile. Swallowing hard, she turned the ignition off.

"Have a seat," he said as he followed her through the door and accepted the keys she held out to him.

Watching him walk straight into the kitchen, Sam wondered what he was thinking. "Sir, I really don't need any coffee," she said, hoping to learn whatever he had to tell her without delay.

"But I do, Carter," he said as he opened the cupboard that normally housed his coffee. After grabbing the coffee, he began running water in the tap. Sam sighed and walked to the couch in his living room. Sitting down, she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to relax.

A few minutes later, he appeared with two steaming cups of coffee. After handing a cup to her, he parked himself on the corner of the table. He looked at her with an intensity she hadn't seen since he first stepped through the 'gate and caught her looking at him from the control room.

"I've decided to retire," he stated, rather flatly and without blinking.

"What?!" she asked. "Have you done that already?" She was filled with anxiety and concern.

"No, I'm going to tell the good doctor in the morning when we bring me back from the dead," he said, calmly.

"Why…" she stopped herself from asking that question. "You can't…"

"I've had a lot of time to think about this, Carter…Sam…a lot of time," he said. "This is what I want to do." He took a sip of his coffee, while still watching her.

Sam stood and began to pace; it helped her think. She had walked toward the door for the second time and turned back toward him when she stopped short, almost bumping into him.

Startled, she started to apologize, but stopped when he silently moved his hands to gently caress her cheeks and jaw. "Oh God," she thought as he asked with his eyes if what he was planning was okay. "Oh, yes," she answered, without uttering a sound.

* * *

"Something has made you happy," Grace said, smiling as she walked up to the infirmary bed and placed her hand on Sam's shoulder.

"_I was just thinking about a happy memory," Sam said, wincing as she turned her head to look at the girl._

"_Really?" Grace asked, her expression brightening. "What about?"_

"_Well, it turned into a not-so-happy memory, but you interrupted me before I got that far," Sam replied, closing her eyes as a chill ran up her spine. "Why are you here?" Sam asked while her eyes were still closed._

"_Tick tock, tick tock, listen to the happy clock. Tic tock, tic tock, listen to the clock," Grace sang. Sam vaguely remembered hearing that song when she was a child, taking dance lessons._

"_Sam…"_

_The sound of her father's voice caused her to open her eyes immediately. "Dad," Sam said, smiling. "I've missed you."_

"_I've missed you too, kiddo," he said as he brushed her bangs away from her eyes. "Story of my life, eh? Always gone when you needed me most."_

"_Oh, Dad…" Sam started to protest._

"_No, Sam," Jacob interrupted her. "Life in the Air Force can be tough on the family. We go where we're told to go, even when we might be needed back home. When I think of all that I missed out on with you and Mark…" Jacob shook his head._

"_You did the best you could," Sam interjected. "I think we turned out okay."_

"_Of course you did," Jacob said, smiling and stroking her cheek. "I couldn't be more proud of either of you. But a good part of that is due to the time your mother spent with you when you were little guys."_

"_Yeah," Sam said, closing her eyes again._

"_You know, Sam," Jacob said and sighed. "Last time we spoke like this, I told you it was time to let go of the things that were preventing you from finding happiness. Why haven't you done that? Really, you don't have to be so stubborn. I have your best interests at heart."_

"_Dad, I'm not being stubborn, I tried to let go…I just couldn't," Sam said, her voice getting quieter as she spoke._

"_Perhaps you tried to let go of the wrong thing," Jacob said and gave her hand a gentle pat._

_Sam's eyes flew open, causing her to gasp in pain. "What?" she asked, weakly. But there was no response. Her father was gone._

* * *

Jack walked into the infirmary to find Daniel sitting next to Sam's bed. He'd been called to a phone conference with the President as soon as he'd returned. In a few days he would have to go to Washington to meet with the newly formed government oversight committee. This job was going to be the worst decision he'd ever made, he was sure of it.

"Hey, Daniel," Jack whispered as he approached the bedside. "Any change?"

"No," Daniel said, with a sheepish look on his face. "Dr. Smith says she lost a fair amount of blood. The carpet must have acted like a wick and drawn the blood out, rather than allowing it to clot. She did say Sam didn't fracture her skull and that she expects Sam will make a full recovery. Smith just can't say when she'll wake up. She's not entirely sure why Sam hasn't already regained consciousness."

Jack just nodded. He was having a difficult enough time keeping his professional demeanor intact. Speaking just added to the difficulty factor. Even though it was Daniel he was speaking to, he needed to keep the walls in place.

The past two months had been exceedingly difficult…for both of them. He was still finding his way with his new duties, as, he knew, was Sam. Though they'd had a lot of practice, he, at least, was finding it very difficult to keep their feelings buried because they had been let out, temporarily.

The new position just made it all more difficult. Now there was no easy conversation, no casual banter, no hint of favoritism that could be shown. He'd rebuilt and reinforced the walls that held the others out. He'd had to…and it made him appreciate General Hammond even more than he had before.

At the most inopportune moments, the unbidden memory of the moment he'd had to tell her he'd accepted this position came to his mind. It was one of the most difficult decisions he'd had to make and he had regretted it every single day. As always, his sense of duty had beat out his desire for personal happiness, and the President was just damn persuasive.

His meeting with Dr. Weir had not gone the way he'd expected. They'd talked a lot longer than he'd planned and she'd gotten the President on the phone. When he'd finally emerged from the meeting, he was thanking whatever forces guided Sam through life that he'd insisted they not get too carried away the night before. Perhaps he'd had a premonition, perhaps he just couldn't let himself be happy, but as always, he'd put what was best for her ahead of his desires and wants. Though he'd been aching for her that night, he'd wanted to take things slow and get to know her away from the SGC before they moved to the next phase. Not to mention the whole regulation thing still being in the way.

After his meeting with Weir, the walk to Sam's lab was nothing like he'd imagined. He'd hope to be nearly bouncing as he walked to tell her he was retired. Instead he had difficulty making himself put one foot in front of the other, because he was dreading the news he had to give her.

The look on her face as he entered her lab was one he held in his heart still. She had looked so beautiful, so happy, so hopeful. Then he'd had to ruin it all and every time he remembered the change that came over her, it chipped away at the crack that ran through the center of his heart.

The President had asked Jack to take command of the SGC. The Atlantis project had been announced. Hammond was still needed in Washington; Weir had been given command of the new project. The President wanted someone who was familiar with the SGC and whom he trusted to take the position. Jack had been promoted to Brigadier General.

At first Jack had said no. He had plans. He was done. He was finally going to get his chance at happiness and no assignment, no duty was going to take that from him. His mind was made up.

But Hammond had joined the President in asking and Jack owed a lot to that man. Hammond had apologized with sincerity and told Jack he knew what he was asking of him. He'd reminded Jack that he was sacrificing too as he was now over a thousand miles from his granddaughters and was having a difficult time with that.

Also, Jack had come to admire the President. Anyone who could dispose of Kinsey they way he had couldn't be all bad. Plus, Jack was impressed by Dr. Weir in their short time together. The President seemed to have the best interests of the SGC at heart.

Jack had finally acquiesced and then he'd had to go tell Sam what he'd done. To her credit, she'd handled it with professionalism and quiet acceptance, just like she'd handled every other disappointment he'd ever had to dole out to her. Still, the happy, hopeful Sam he'd seen as he walked in that afternoon had not returned and he took the full responsibility for that on himself.

* * *

_"Tick toc, tick toc, listen to the happy clock…" Grace's voice came drifting into Sam's ears again. Sam turned toward the sound of the child's voice, but she was becoming annoyed by the repetition of the lyrics to the song the girl sang._

"_Grace, what exactly do you want?" Sam asked, hoping to stop the singing once and for all._

"_The question is, what do you want?" Grace replied._

"_What?" Sam asked, her confusion and discomfort evident on her face._

"_A decision before you, I see. You can have two, but you want three," Grace said in a sing-song voice._

"_I would give anything for a straight answer right about now," Sam said, trying to keep her frustration at bay._

"_For cryin' out loud," Grace said, her brow furrowing in a vaguely familiar manner. "For such a smart woman, you can be so dense."_

_Sam lifted her head off the pillow a bit as she reacted with surprise to the girl's comment. A sharp pain in her head halted the movement and caused her to wince. She squeezed her eyes shut as she slowly lowered her head back to the pillow._

"_Yeah," Sam said in a whisper. "That's me…dense."_

"_Dense?" Teal'c asked as he sat beside her bed. "Are you referring to your cognitive abilities, Samantha?"_

"_Teal'c?" Sam asked as she opened one of her eyes again. She slowly opened the other eye and scanned the area, trying to determine if she had really awakened. "Yeah, I was referring to my cognitive abilities."_

"_I can think of many words to describe those abilities. Dense is not one of them," Teal'c said in his usual deadpan manner._

"_Well, apparently, my cognitive abilities took a holiday," Sam said, closing her eyes again._

"_If you are referring to your accident, it was just that," Teal'c explained, "an accident. Daniel Jackson said you were standing on a rolling chair in an attempt to reach a box and that you pulled the box down on top of yourself when you fell."_

"_That would explain why my ribs feel so wonderful," Sam said, opening her eyes and smiling slightly. She frowned slightly when she saw Daniel sitting where Teal'c had been._

"_What were you looking for, Sam?" Daniel asked, leaning forward slightly._

"_I'm not sure…" Sam said, her brow furrowing in confusion. "I can't remember…"_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"You want to what?" Sam asked, leaning across the table while holding her coffee cup. Captain Adriana Capwell had asked then Captain Samantha Carter to meet her at a coffee shop near her house to talk about something.

"I want to resign my commission," Addi said with a slight chuckle.

Sam set her cup down and leaned back as she considered the woman before her. "What is this all about?" Sam asked. This announcement was the last thing she expected from her friend. They'd gone through the Academy together and after several other assignments in different places had finally been assigned to the same project at the Pentagon. As far as Sam was concerned, this project, this assignment was everything she could ask for and she thought the same was true for Addi.

"Honestly?" Addi asked and Sam sensed a little trepidation for the first time since their conversation began.

"Yes," Sam said, "of course."

"In a nutshell," Addi said as she shifted in her seat, "there are three things in my life that are in conflict and I need to eliminate one of them. The Air Force has been an important part of my life. It has taught me discipline, honor, duty and has brought me a lot of satisfaction and pride. Physics and, in particular, my most recent assignment has brought me joy, excitement, and a fulfillment I can't begin to describe."

"And the third thing?" Sam asked.

"This is going to sound funny," Addi said, hesitantly. "I've fallen in love with someone."

"Is it Thomas?" Sam asked. Sam had seen Addi and Major Thomas Castillo, an aid to General Ryan, talking on more than one occasion. She knew they had been out on dates.

"Yes," she paused, trying to find the words. "I feel he is my soul mate. I think he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and I've been giving this a lot of thought. So what it boils down to is this: I love the Air Force, I love Physics and I love Thomas. I want to give myself the chance to find out if we can be what I suspect we can be. I can get another job. I don't want to look for another Thomas."

Sam smiled as Addi took a break to take a sip of her coffee. Sam felt herself sympathizing with Addi and understanding far better than she wanted to admit. "Thomas is not in your chain of command. You could marry this guy and still be Air Force, Addi," Sam said.

"Truthfully, Sam," Addi said with a smile, "I want a family. I want to have children, eventually. I just think I will need to be independent and able to make my own decisions if and when I am fortunate enough to have a child. I don't want to be unexpectedly reassigned."

"It could still happen to Thomas," Sam interjected.

"Yes," Addi agreed, "but if it does, I'll be free to follow him wherever he's assigned as long as I'm not bound to the Air Force too."

"Well, Addi, I wish you happiness," Sam said, as she set her now empty cup down on the table. "I don't know that I agree with your decision, but I wish you happiness if that's what you want to do."

* * *

"_What are you looking for?" Grace asked, echoing Daniel's question._

"_I don't know," Sam said, with less frustration than she felt. Something about speaking to this…whatever she was, made Sam hold back the frustration and anger she felt._

"_But you do know," Daniel said as he walked up to the other side of the bed, causing Sam to shift her eyes and wince. When she looked back to where Grace had been standing, the space was vacant again._

"_Daniel, I don't know," Sam said, allowing a bit more of her frustration to be heard._

"_What was in the box?" Daniel asked._

_Sam furrowed her brow and closed her eyes. She was so tired and her head hurt so badly. Why wouldn't they just leave her alone?_

"_Pictures," Sam said as she finally remembered._

"_What pictures, Sam?" Daniel prodded._

"_Dad's pictures," Sam said. She closed her eyes to stop the tears she felt forming in them. "Pictures of my mother, my family."_

"_Why?" Daniel asked as he sat next to her._

"_Why what?" she spat out, unable to stop the emotion welling up in her._

"_Why were you looking for the pictures?" he asked, undeterred by her anger._

"_Because I've forgotten what she looks like." Sam sobbed, closing her eyes. "I've forgotten what she looked like."_

"_You were so young, Sam," Jacob said, soothingly._

"_I was a teenager, Dad," Sam said, opening her eyes._

"_Yes, I know, Sam, just like Cassandra," Jacob agreed. "She has been grieving, just like you. She misses her mother, just like you."_

"_Oh, Dad," Sam said, fighting tears._

"_Close your eyes, Sam," Jacob urged. "You haven't forgotten. You can still remember, if you let yourself. Don't be afraid to hurt, Sam. Some of the memories are happy. Why do you constantly deny yourself the happiness?"_

"_What?" Sam asked, confused._

"_You go out of your way to deny yourself happiness," Jacob said. "You can't avoid pain, Sam. It is inevitable. Avoiding happiness can only make the pain less bearable."_

"_I don't avoid happiness," Sam argued._

"_Yes, you do," Jacob said. "You try to control, you avoid, you deny, Sam. That way you stay comfortable, safe. Sometimes happiness is only found when you step outside the plan, give yourself a chance, be truthful with your heart."_

"_You're not talking about mom, are you?" Sam asked._

"_You weren't thinking about mom, were you?" Jacob asked. "He didn't ask for this assignment, any more than I asked for the assignment that kept me away from your mother. You, of all people, understand the duty."_

"_I do understand," Sam said._

"_I think you have a decision to make, Sam," Jacob said as he rose out of the now, non-existent chair. "What do you really want?"_

"_What do you want?" Grace asked. She was standing on the side of the bed opposite Jacob once again. _

_Sam was not surprised when she looked back to find her father gone. "Why do I always fall for the misdirection?" she thought._

"_See, it's not what I want, but what you want that will let me be," Grace said with a smile. _

"_What?" Sam asked as Grace reached out her hand to touch Sam's forehead. Grace closed her eyes and Sam closed her eyes as well as her head began to feel strange. Sam opened her eyes in time to see Grace fade out. "Grace?" she called anxiously after the girl who was no longer standing next to her._

* * *

"Grace?" Sam whispered.

Jack was immediately alert and moving toward her bed.

"What did she say?" he asked Teal'c, who had been keeping the latest vigil. Jack had stopped by to check on her condition again, hoping to hear that she had finally awakened. His new position did not allow him the freedom to sit with her as he would have before, but he managed to visit the infirmary frequently.

"I believe it was 'Grace'," Teal'c said, standing to give the medical personnel who were moving toward the bed access to the monitors and equipment connected to his teammate.

"Grace?" Sam said again, a bit louder. Then her eyes flicked open and Jack noted a hint of confusion on her face. Dr. Smith was there and reassured Sam as she began checking her vitals and asking questions.

Jack felt a wave of relief wash over him. Muscles in his jaw and neck that he hadn't realized were contracted began to ache as they relaxed. Bending his head from side to side, he tried to loosen them up more quickly. He waited until he knew she had seen him, until their eyes made contact.

With no other option open to him, he tried to convey with that one look the relief he felt at seeing her conscious and the regret he felt at not being able to do more. Then, fearing he was showing too much concern for a man in his position, he quickly excused himself and returned to his office.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sam was released after Dr. Smith could find no evidence of neurological damage in the battery of tests she'd conducted. Both Dr. Smith and General O'Neill insisted Sam go home and take it easy, ordering her not to return to base for at least 48 hours. Though Sam was never happy about forced vacations, she felt this one was warranted.

Early in the evening of her first day at home, Daniel and Teal'c showed up with Chinese food. Sam appreciated the gesture, but secretly hoped she would find a tactful method to send them on their way as soon as dinner was consumed. She would not been able to shampoo her hair for another 12 hours because of the stitches in her head and though her hair had been cleaned by the medical staff at the SGC when they'd stitched her up, she felt grungy and wanted nothing more than to curl up alone and zone in front of the television. Not to mention, their out of work gatherings just never seemed the same now that General O'Neill could no longer join them.

"So, Sam," Daniel said between bites of chow mein, "who is Grace?"

"What?" Sam asked, nearly choking on the bite of egg roll she'd just taken.

"When you were waking up in the infirmary, you said 'Grace'," Daniel said. He stopped eating and looked at her with a curious expression.

"Uh…" Sam hesitated. She had not told them about Grace before. She hadn't wanted to discuss what happened on the Prometheus, mostly because she wasn't quite sure herself. Explaining Grace now was no easier than it had been following that incident. Teal'c, too, had stopped eating and was regarding her with some definite interest.

She put her fork down, dabbed at her mouth with her napkin and leaned back in her hair. "Grace is a little hard to explain," said Sam. "When I was unconscious, this darling little curly haired girl visited with me," she said. Hoping that would squelch their curiosity, she didn't say anything more.

"What? Like a guardian angel or something?" Daniel asked.

"Uh…yeah, I guess," Sam said, shrugging and leaning back to eat some more, hoping he'd drop the subject.

Daniel took another bite. She noticed his brow was furrowed and she braced herself for another question. "You know," he said, his mouth still half-full of food, "Jack mentioned that his mother's name was Grace."

Sam paused, her fork half-way to her mouth.

"_Yes," she replied. "After my grandmother," she added and then she giggled. "Do you wanna play?" Grace asked._

"_For cryin' out loud," Grace said, her brow furrowing in a vaguely familiar manner. "For such a smart woman, you can be so dense." _

"_See, it's not what I want, but what you want that will let me be," Grace said with a smile. _

Those moments flashed through her mind.

"What did you say?" Sam asked, putting the fork back down.

"What?" Daniel asked and scrunched his nose to push his glasses back up. "Oh, you mean that Jack's mom's name was Grace? Yeah, he mentioned that when you woke up in the infirmary."

"Indeed he did, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said and took another mouthful. Sam got the feeling he was deliberately not looking at her. Teal'c was so perceptive. She had no doubt he sensed her total discomfort and shock at hearing Daniel's statement.

"Yeah, that's interesting, isn't it?" Daniel said and smiled as he took another bite of his chow mein.

* * *

After a quick trip to the infirmary to get checked out and cleared for duty (not to mention a liquid bandage over her stitches so she could shower and wash her hair), she set off to see the base C.O. It was with a tremendous amount of trepidation that Sam approached General O'Neill's office. She'd spent the remainder of her forced vacation sleepless and in thought. When she looked at herself in the mirror that morning, even she thought she looked like hell.

She'd been busy, so she was returning with a sense of accomplishment, but she was exhilarated and at the same time, terrified. She'd made a major decision about the direction her life should take. It involved a career change, calls to General Hammond for counseling and a favor, a resignation and an application.

* * *

"Come in," Jack said when he heard the quick rap on his door. He looked up and was greeted by an entirely unexpected sight. Sam Carter was standing in his doorway with a very determined look on her face, but, quite frankly, she looked like hell. She was pale, her eyes had dark areas under them and her hair was in desperate need of a brush. Jack smiled and stood up, gesturing for her to come in and have a seat.

"Carter," he said as he gestured, "how are you feeling? Did you have enough time to get rested up, because, you can take some more if you need it."

"Yes, sir," Sam said as they both sat.

"What can I do for you?" he asked, giving her his full attention. He knew something was not right, but he didn't know what it was.

"Sir, I'd like to resign my commission," she said as she stood and handed him a 9x12 manila envelope.

His heart stopped beating, for just a second. His stomach turned over, but he maintained his composure. He stood up, frowning, and reaching to take the envelope. "Excuse me?" he said, his brows rising in surprise. "You want to what?"

"I want to resign my commission," she said and he noticed her swallow, but her eyes never left his. She was determined; he could see it in her face.

"Carter…Sam…why?" he asked, feeling his stomach begin to churn.

"Sir," she started and then hesitated. He saw her cock her head slightly and the pleading expression on her face made him flash back to that moment on Apophis' incomplete mother ship when she was pleading with him to leave her behind. "Please," she said, "trust me on this. It's what I need to do."

Jack felt his stomach drop to his toes. His chest began to ache and feel heavy. How could he let her do this? How would this place function without her? Who would he turn to?

"Sir?" she asked, halting the rush of panicked thoughts running through his head.

Then he put the wall up again. He met her gaze with a determination and an anger he'd buried when the President asked him to take this position. He'd just assumed she would do the same as he had done. That she would suck it up and do her duty, regardless of her personal wishes or desires. Now, it appeared he'd been wrong. She was going to bail and look for a life elsewhere. Well, he could wish her well. She deserved that much.

She was still looking at him. He could read a mixture of concern, exhaustion and sorrow, or at least that's what he thought he saw on her face, in her clear blue eyes. He sat back down and involuntarily heaved a heavy sigh. It suddenly occurred to him that he had never been able to read her at all. Perhaps he'd just been fooling himself all these years when he thought he knew her like a book.

"If this is what you really want, Sam," he said, "then I wish you all the best."

"Thank you, sir," she said and he saw her relief almost immediately. The silence that followed was definitely awkward. He didn't know that else to say. He didn't want to let her go, and he didn't want to make her stay. "You'll be sure to process those papers as soon as possible, won't you?" she asked.

"I was thinking of giving it a day or two for you to think it over," he said, squinting and looking down at the envelope before looking back up at her.

"Sir, I've given this a lot of thought already. It is very important that you process those papers immediately…please," she said, pleading with her eyes again.

"Carter, you're recovering from a head injury. I don't think now is the time to make a decision like this," he said. He had to try.

He watched as she closed her eyes and set her jaw in that way she did when she was trying to keep an angry retort from spewing forth. Her mind was not going to be changed and he knew it.

"This has nothing to do with the head injury, sir," she said. "Except, perhaps, that it gave me time to think…about what's important, about what I want…" she trailed off as she looked down at her hands.

If he admitted the truth to himself, he was hurt. But right now, he couldn't afford to do that. Right now, he had to be the General in charge and do his duty, even if that meant watching the best thing that had come into his life in a very long time walk back out.

"I'll do it right now," he said, opening the envelope and looking at the papers inside. He pulled them out, looked them over, found the spot that required his signature and took pen in hand. After signing the papers, he rose and walked to the fax machine. He placed the contents of the envelope info the feeder and forced his fingers to dial, willing them to function without trembling, without making a mistake.

* * *

After the papers had passed through the machine and the electronic signal that would end her career in the Air Force had been sent, he turned back to look at her. Sam involuntarily sucked in a breath when she looked into his eyes. His eyes were no longer the warm, soft brown she'd grown to love. They now looked cold, hard and the twinkle was gone. She thought he looked old. The image of him frozen, staring out at her from the Ancient portal invaded her mind.

She had to leave now, before she lost her resolve. She wished she could tell him more, but it had to be this way. Her future was uncertain and she could not comfort him with any assurances, so she chose not to comment at all. If things did not work out the way she hoped, it would be easier for him this way.

"With your permission, sir, I'd like to take a few days. I've got leave coming and I need…" she hesitated, unsure what to say. He cut her off.

"Take whatever time you need, Carter," he said as he walked back to his desk and sat in his chair. "You have up to two weeks to clear out your personal belongings."

"Thank you, sir," she said, and sensing that he wanted her gone, she turned and walked out the door.

She walked straight out of the mountain without stopping to talk to anyone except the airmen at the security check posts. As she walked to her car, her legs began to tremble. After what seemed like twice the distance she actually covered, she finally managed to open the door and climb into her seat.

She leaned her head back on the seat and closed her eyes. Her head hurt, though not as badly as it had before. 'What have I just done?' she thought. After taking a couple of breaths to steady her nerves, she started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

A couple of blocks from her house, she stopped at a red light on an intersection that had a Walmart on the corner. Her car was the first in the left lane, so she had a good view of the entire intersection. Two women began walking across the intersection.

One was older than the other, though Sam had no idea if they were mother and daughter or just friends. Both were wearing dresses - not fancy dresses, just plain, everyday dresses – and tennis shoes. Both had their long hair tied up neatly. It appeared they were out on a walk, just for exercise and Sam got the distinct impression that they followed a restrictive religion that didn't allow women to wear pants or cut their hair.

For a moment, a sense of panic invaded her. Thoughts of terms like 'the little woman' flashed into her mind. She pushed those thoughts away as she started the car forward again. There was too much to do and she had gone too far already to let doubt change her mind.

Their current arrangement could not work. She knew it. He knew it. Though technically, he had always been her superior at work, he'd made her feel like an equal. Their relationship had always been cooperative, collegial. In her opinion, his relationship with all of SG-1 had been that way.

She supposed it was that sense of equality that allowed that initial attraction between them to grow. Neither of them had wanted nor intended for it to happen, but it had, none-the-less. They'd been content – no, resigned – to keeping the emotions buried, restraining themselves from exploring the possibilities, as long as they could continue to both do the job they loved…together.

Now, he was no longer doing the job he loved and they were no longer doing it together. She knew he was unhappy with the new job, but trying to give it his best as his sense of duty and honor demanded. Truth be told, he was getting near the age when traveling through the 'gate on a regular basis would have ended anyway and her desire to continue through the 'gate without him had waned considerably in the past few months.

If her plan succeeded, they would learn how to be Earthbound together. They would be equals again, cooperating and collaborating. If that led to a partnership outside of the SGC, well she wasn't opposed to that either, but it wasn't the sole reason she'd just ended a career to which she had devoted more than half of her life.

If her plan failed? "No," she told herself. She couldn't let that happen.

* * *

Early the next morning, Jack heard a knock on his office door. For a second, he let himself hope, then admonished himself for being so foolish. Without looking up, he said, "Come."

He refused to look up until he heard the voice of the person who entered. "Hey, Jack," Daniel said as he walked into the office and shut the door behind him. "Have you heard from Sam?" he asked, but continued on before Jack could say a word. "Because I thought she was supposed to be back yesterday and I stopped by her place this morning, but she didn't appear to be home."

Jack reluctantly looked up from the pile of papers he'd been scanning. It wasn't that he was so enthralled by reading the seemingly endless array of reports, menus, inventories, schedules and invoices, it was that he knew Daniel was not going to like what he had to say any more than he was going to like saying it.

"Jack?" Daniel asked.

"Yes, Daniel," Jack replied. "I have heard from Carter."

"And?"

"And…" he said, his brow furrowing, "she resigned."

"She what?" Daniel's eyes grew wide.

"Resigned…quit…walked away…" Jack would have continued, but Daniel cut him off.

"And you let her?" Daniel asked, his voice rising a bit in pitch. "And when were you planning to tell me? Have you told Teal'c? What the hell is going on?"

"Are you finished?" Jack asked, sounding a bit perturbed. Daniel did not reply. "She came in yesterday morning, handed me her resignation along with all the necessary paperwork and asked that I fax it while she stood there and watched. She seemed to have her mind made up and was in a big hurry to get it done."

"Well, she was just getting over a head injury, Jack. Did you think she might be suffering from some sort of complication related to that?"

"The doctor checked her over and had released her to return to duty. I suggested she take a few days to be sure. She was insistent," Jack said with a shrug.

"So, you just let her walk out of here? Where was she going?" Daniel asked.

"Daniel, I didn't ask." Jack picked up one pile of papers and moved them to another place on the desk.

"You didn't ask. You didn't want to know why she decided to walk in out of the blue and resign?" Jack knew Daniel was angry and he couldn't blame the man. He was still angry himself, but angry wasn't going to get them anywhere.

Jack stood and leaned slightly over the desk, giving Daniel his best 'this is the end of this discussion look'. "Look, the woman wanted out. I don't know why. I don't know what she has planned. She came in, she quit, she left. That's what I know…and now you know."

"You're unbelievable. Do you know that?" Daniel asked. Then he turned and walked out of the room.

"Yes, I know," Jack replied, though no one was there to hear it.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A week later, Jack informed Daniel and Teal'c that he would like them to join him in the briefing room for a meeting with the SGC Oversight Committee representative. He had not been called to Washington as he'd expected. Instead, General Hammond had been sent as the representative from the committee for this initial meeting and the President was scheduled to call during the meeting.

Since Sam's virtual disappearance, Teal'c and Daniel had met with Jack on several occasions to discuss changes to their positions and where they felt they fit in the new SGC. He'd asked both of them to refrain from making any decisions until they'd heard from the Oversight Committee.

The meeting began pleasantly with a little catching up between old friends. Jack lamented about all the paperwork and tedium that came along with his new position and George smiled a lot. They'd only been speaking for about ten minutes when the President made his call.

"Jack? This is Henry, how are you doing?" The President's voice sounded congenial.

"I'm starting to find my way here, Mr. President," Jack said, trying to sound positive.

"Good, glad to hear it," Hayes responded. "Listen, the Oversight Committee has decided to make a little change in the way the SGC is run. I don't want you to think this change has anything to do with you or the job you've been doing. This committee has been meeting and began making these recommendations since before you returned."

Jack nodded and then realized the President couldn't see him nodding. "Yes, sir," Jack said while giving General Hammond a questioning look.

"I'm going to let George give you the details, but I wanted to be the one to introduce you to the person the committee has chosen to lead the civilian operations there at the SGC."

"Excuse me?" Jack asked.

"This choice was unanimous," Hayes continued. "I think you will find her to be a trusted and invaluable partner as you go forward from here. I believe you've already met…"

Jack turned as he heard someone opening the door behind him. A vague sense of déjà vu came over him as he saw the figure silhouetted in the doorway. He'd seen this scene before, only she wasn't wearing a dress uniform this time.

He stood, stunned into silence by the sight before him. Carter was walking into the briefing room and taking a seat by General Hammond. The others were standing too, Jack noted. They all sat at the same time Carter did, but Jack remained standing. He couldn't even think at the moment. Carter… "no," he corrected himself, "Sam," sat right in front of him, in a paisley print blue skirt and a baby blue sweater set. She looked fantastic.

"Jack? Are you still with us?" The President's voice drew him back into the reality of the moment.

"Uh, yes…sir," Jack said as he finally took his seat.

"I know this must come as a bit of a shock to you, so I'm going to hang up now and let you get this all sorted out with George and Doctor Carter."

"Thank you, sir," Jack said just before he heard the phone disconnect. Jack snuck a peek at Daniel and Teal'c before he turned his attention back to General Hammond. Daniel was looking at the table, trying not to chuckle. Teal'c was looking at Jack with a serene expression and when their eyes met, Teal'c shifted his gaze to Sam. Jack swallowed and looked to the General, deliberately not looking at Sam. He just couldn't…not yet.

"So, General," Jack said as he squinted his eyes and steeled himself to hear what George had to say.

"The Oversight Committee has restructured the organization of the SGC. The committee felt it would be beneficial to separate the military and the civilian assets, but knew exceptional leadership would be needed in both areas. They have chosen Dr. Carter," George turned and smiled at Sam, "and yourself to be those leaders. You will serve as equals, both reporting directly to the Oversight Committee and the President."

"Equals…" Jack said, and then allowed himself to look at her for the first time since she'd sat at the table.

"Yes, Jack," Sam said, smiling.

"This document," George handed a bound booklet to Jack, "outlines the new structure and defines each of your duties. I will serve as your first contact through the Oversight Committee."

That piece of news caused Jack to smile a little and he felt his shoulders relax a bit.

"This is starting to feel very familiar…but different," Daniel said.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed.

The meeting continued for another hour before General Hammond announced that he was expected by his granddaughters for lunch. Teal'c and Daniel accompanied him to the elevator while Jack and Sam remained in the briefing room.

After several minutes of uncomfortable silence, Sam began walking toward the door.

"You could have told me what you were planning," Jack said.

Sam stopped, but didn't turn. "I didn't know if I would get the job. It was a long shot. I didn't want to raise any expectations for you."

"I see," he said. He was mentally kicking himself. He'd been so angry, so hurt by her leaving and now he learned that she hadn't really left at all. Instead, as usual, she'd found a way to stay and had removed a pesky little regulation that had stood between them since the beginning.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't tell you, in case it didn't work out," she said.

"What if it hadn't worked out?" he asked. "Would you have just walked away?"

"I don't know," she said, honestly. "I couldn't let myself think about that."

"Single minded and determined to the last?" he asked, smiling.

"I suppose," she replied, returning his smile.

"I guess I have a pile of reading to do to catch up on all this new organizational stuff," he said, looking at the booklet in his hand.

"Or," she said with a precocious grin, "you could take me to dinner and I could explain it to you."

"Dinner, huh?"

"Well, I will need most of the day to get the furniture settled," she said.

"No, dinner sounds good," he said. "Grab whatever help you need with the office set up. I'll stop by later to take a look. I suppose we should schedule a meeting tomorrow to announce the change to both of our respective divisions."

"I suppose you're right," she said.

"This is going to be interesting."

"Yes, it is," she agreed. Then she turned and continued out the door.

Jack watched her walk away, enjoying the view. He was going to have to get used to seeing Carter…Sam in regular clothes. He was going to have to get used to calling her Sam, wasn't he? Or maybe Carter would still work while they were at work. Well, he'd have time to figure that all out…now.

For the first time in a long time, Jack O'Neill walked into his office with a bounce in his step and a smile on his face. This job wasn't going to be so bad, after all.

The End


End file.
